phew! it's been a while since i have posted on here. (i SURE do miss traveling....exciting things are happening in life and I intend to take some space to speak to a few things at the moment)
Thank you to the universe- for creating SPACE for all things to evolve...sometimes feeling moments of stagnancy so we can appreciate what has been- and what will be.
I have been resistant to take the time, sit down, and write words about an injury i am working through. Perhaps through my own ego becoming vulnerable? yes....but more so...I needed to navigate the experience so I can shine light on what I am embracing. Over the last four years, The asana made sense in my body. I hadn't injured myself via yoga postures and found the breath to movement sequence, ashtanga mysore practice, and the exertion of hand balancing intriguing...to show myself that I am capable beyond what is at a first glance 'impossible'.
Chaturanga..pressups...low flying arm balances to push the limit. Back in July when I was halfway through Richard Freemans Teachers Training Intensive...My left wrist began to speak to me. Something unique was going on underneath the ulna (small bone pinky side of the hand). It didn't hurt at the time, but it was speaking a yellow flag to SlowDown. I ignored it. Naturally.
JULY. I kept practicing and started making my way through the primary and secondary series a few times a week. I would say there is over 120 Chaturangas in both series. Come September....my wrist started to hurt a lot. I began to slowly listen and move more mindfully in practice. This was after two months of not listening and practicing intensely on the wrist. On September 10th, I chose to take a break from Asana. A break that would last until yesterday, October 13th. I visited the mat three times- attending Vinyasa classes and found that my wrist was not ready to bear weight. It hurt. It did not feel good. I was challenged. Here we go......
So.....I engaged in the visualizations of the asana taught. It is a beautiful experience to visualize what weight bearing postures feel like on the inside, with breath internalizing the asana. *OVER A MONTH of no asana!
wow. I sat a lot. multiple times in a day. After 2 weeks of not practicing, I decided to get an MRI and see what was going on. I have a micro Tear on the FTCC band resting on the ulna, a small piece of ligament. It became a beautiful challenge when asana practice has become a 5-6 weekly practice for me. To release. To feel. to see myself. And at one point i have to Halt and take rest for a month....that is when it became an internal practice for me to integrate my experience of the hours spent on the mat....off the mat.
"we can offer you a cortisone shot, possible surgery, or a splint."
"i'll take the splint." I believe I can heal myself if I take my healing and resting process seriously!
So....Everyday over the last two weeks I have been wearing a splint that restricts my left wrist from bending forward and back (flexing and extending).
Injury as teacher. Humbling the ego, to set it aside and level myself with you....who may find asana to be challenging, painful, or frustrating. I feel I have always held a strong practice, from personal practice to sitting, to taking my yoga out into the world through presence. After a day of sadness....i accepted the challenge the universe has bestowed upon me and i am taking practice day by day. Practicing Mysore yesterday (tuesday) was incredible. I did chaturanga on my fists. No downward FacingDog...Dolphin with hands interlaced to avoid intense weight on the wrist. It didn't seem to slow me down too much.......But it was different. I felt an internal fire That i longed for over the last 4 weeks. the movement of prana. I still feel a sense of energy stagnant within me....which is where the asana serves as a facet to release anxiety, stale energy, and create possibility in the body. I missed this experience over the month. Observing my attachment to the asana practice has allowed me to take postures more mindfully.... to listen to the flag in my body and not serve the ego, but to serve the stability of my body through tuning in. I find that It is hard to have a limited practice with modifying so many postures, but i know it is possible. For myself and for many people who encounter injury through the asana.
This is a portion of yoga we don't hear about. Recenetly a well known yoga instructor, Jason Bowman had Knee surgery...... you can read his experience here... His words are profound.
I caught my wrist to a minor red flag. It could have been much worse if i chose to stay strong in head and ignore my wrist, I would be out for a few months. Although I am wearing a wrist brace while i teach and practice asana few times a week.. (twice this week so far).... I feel an honor to speak to the experience.
there are two ways to look at any challenge. My brother Sean Hall aided in my dissecting of my wrist experience through universal obstacle we all will face. We can look at situations as if they happen TO us. Things become unfortunate and we play a pity party on ourselves and play victim. Where life seems out to get us and make things hard and we have to just 'suck it up', and 'deal with it'. Phrases we have all heard. Life happens TO us.
WE can be the Masters of Mind. Instead, situations of challenge simply HAPPEN. And we are left with the choice to observe our response with a sense of phycological health towards creating new patterns....aside from diving into old patterns of victimizing ourselves and not showing up to the best of our ability. I most definitely played pity party on myself for two or three days. It is so exhausting! to my energy....to my body...it just wasn't fun to be around anyone when i was beating myself up on the inside... So i started to speak out loud to my beloveds about this small struggle I was embracing....... thus..... the master of mind perspective is born. Life happens FOR us to have a choice in response.
During the month I took off, I neglected the rest of my body. My wrist was upset and I chose to lay off asana 100%. Teaching has been a challenge. Yet I have allowed the challenge to create a new found sense of articulation through my words and verbal cues. Also, changing what I am teaching.... ;) hips and backbends!
I stretched through the days, but not in a strength building way, nor did i cultivate a breath to movement meditation. I stayed away from the practice room. this is where I felt regret for moment. My wrist was injured yes, but to what extent did I feel the need to give up standing asana's in the primary series? or just skipping chaturangas? Okay. okay. Ego ego ego ego ego ego ego egoegoegoegoegoego. LeggoMyEGO! Not only did i get a nice scare from practicing three times during the month off- and feeling PAIN in my wrist....I perhaps felt a lack of intention in my practice as of recent. I didn't feel inspired to just show up. Almost as if my intention had hardened into a clay mold for me to live within.
Alas.... Practicing two days ago felt incredible. My body began to speak once again and it gave thanks for moving diligently, intelligently, honoring the wrist with modifications. As the sunset Light peered through the window, I felt Faith. In the last week, i have woken up and spoke to my guides, angels, and the universe.... "Thank you for showing me what i need to learn today. I am open to you..Thank you for your healing"
I have been observing the ideas of HOPE AND FAITH. what do you feel more inclined to call into your situation of challenge?
Hope walks through the fire.....Faith Jumps over it. Faith...not as in religion...but a sense of TRUST that the universe is looking out for you, me, we, US....sometimes by placing obstacles before us so we are able to overcome challenge. I believe any injury in the body has a spiritual teaching to what the greater message is.....
In my case....constantly finding humility, staying humble, and honoring the experience of the body and limits being expanded upon. with BREATH.
Phew. It feels good to express this experience I am having. Everyday is Different. Every practice is different.
The body heals. The breath heals. The answers come from the breath. no matter the experience.....drop deep into feeling and may your internal experience be reflected with a deep state of breath....effecting the external unfolding of the body.
"You can't rush your healing. Darkness has its teaching. Love Is never leaving" - Trevor Hall
I will post back soon. :) Lots of amazing things are happening. If you read all this, thank you for reading and holding space.
I leave you with amazing music. Nico Jaar's side project. DARKSIDE.
All my love. May you be filled with abundance and breath.
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