Exerpt for LAyoga Magazine; Yoga Revealed in India

hello, my friends! I am SO overdue for an in depth writing of experience..... it's coming soon. On April 4th I landed on Maui to be with Eddie Modestini to celebrate my 26th birthday that week! What a true gift!! I am writing this from LA at my beautiful brother Andrew Sealy's house. He asked me to choose three episodes from yoga Revealed since Jan1st and write a few paragraphs about it. He's aubmitting it into LAyoga magazine! Blessed to share this practice and wisdom of experience with the community of LA! How cool! 

Soon.... I'll sit down and write about these 6 months in depth once the words are speaking to me in clarity.

prompt- • HOW DO THESE EPISODES RELATE TO MY PATH OF YOGA AND YOGA REVEALED •

-All available at www.YogaRevealed.com or iTunes On podcast app-

Eddie Modestini: The Yogi's Journey Towards Inner Peace. 

H.S. ARUN: India's Experience and Experimentation in Yoga

Richard Freeman & Mary Taylor: The Art of Vinyasa; Awakening Body and Mind through the Practice of Ashtanga Yoga

Fellow yoga seekers on the path, it is a pleasure to be connected to you! My name is Alec Vishal Rouben, Co-Founder of The Yoga Revealed Podcast! This podcast is rooted in sharing the wisdom of our times greatest and most devoted Yoga Teachers, reminding us of the divinity that we originate from. Today I have the honor to share three potent interviews from 4 Masters in their trade. I have spent the last months of 2016 and the first quarter of 2017 traveling the world studying under some of the best Teachers and have their one on one interviews to share with You!

We are providing you with the opportunity to trace the lineage of yoga all the way back to Krishnamacharya & two of his primary students, BKS Iyengar and Pattabhi Jois by listening to interviews with senior students of these two renowned gurus. Richard Freeman and Mary Taylor are dedicated to  the practice of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga and they share their hearts wisdom on our podcast as well as through their recent book release. Eddie Modestini taps into the source of Yoga's healing capabilities and how we can begin the journey towards inner peace. H.S. Arun goes back in time to his 50 years of studentship under Mr. Iyengar and shares his approach to the transformational effects of yoga! These are three of the most profound interviews I collected during my six months of travel across Asia.

My time in India left me feeling in awe as I walked over the same ground that ancient yogi's once practiced upon. Knowing that all my teachers (whom I share with you in these podcasts) have strong tethers of studentship in Mother India. Living with Eddie Modestini for three months changed my life and propelled me into the chasing what revealed itself to me as my very own Personal legend. Eddie is a student of Mr. Iyengar & Pattabhi Jois of over 25 years. Modestini holds a level of integrity unseen by Teachers in the modern world. At sixty four, Eddie stands by the healing capacity and transformational effects a consistent yoga practice offers, which further helped me polish and stabilize my intention of what it means to be a Student and Teacher in this path. My Personal Legend and Intention as a Yogi is to transmit the wisdom of Yoga to Millions of people across the planet through the study of the subject of Yoga over the course of my lifetime. This is an intention that India helped me realize just as much as the Yoga Revealed Podcast helped bring to the surface!

India is a place of high intensity, steeped in the spirit of BEing. A country where the nature of Soul is looped in Birth and a Death, reBirth and Reincarnation, seeking liberation. This is a land where countless deities are prayed and called upon daily in ritual and prayer. The people of India have a belief system that is different than how many of us operate, here in the states. There is something we all can learn from one another. Not only does installing ourselves in the understanding of the nature of the Soul, but also cultivating a state of Faith for our human condition bring us to seek acceptance to life's circumstances with contentment.

India is a cocphany of sights, sounds, and smells. There is a relentless barking of dogs that sound off at all hours of the day and night, matched with constant sirens ringing at every octave, piercing any level of what one feels they have as patience. Sounds enticing, right? I believe it becomes imperative in a yogi's path to travel outside their comfort zone and go to a place such as India where the roots of Yoga began and experience life Truly As It Is. The Yogi is ever present with whatever is arising in the field of the mind, as it arises, without great attachment (raga) or aversion (dvesha) to the momentary experience. The yogi is aware of the passing moment. India teaches this and More!

Andrew Sealy and myself, Alec Vishal Rouben are here to share with you the teachers who can help you take the next step in your yogic evolution! Stay tuned with us on instagram through @yogarevealed, @aleclovelifeyoga, and @andrew7sealy! You can find us as this summers most potent yoga gatherings; Hanuman Festival in Boulder, Colorado June 2017 & Wanderlust Lake Tahoe June 2017!

------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Upon returning from asia; my body was feeling depleted in light of health, real energy, and a feeling of vibrancy. The day I saw Eddie, he blessed me with protein Amino Acids, superfoods green shakes which uplifted me to NEW heights! If you want to experience these superfoods that I am on; send me a message and I can share more info with you. Dedicated to healing on numerous levels for us all!! 

I will write soon.  

I love you so much!  

.

The Alchemy of Listening

Sunrise on Gili Meno, Lombok

I am nearing the apex of my time abroad, three months, which has gracefully had me land in Ubud, Bali; a total homecoming from India's epic kiln of transformation. Two years ago during this week, I was in Bali! It has been a profound mirror of the growth I have made internally and in this walk of life I am projecting my efforts into. I have visited similar sites and many new sacred grounds, which have provided deep reflection for me; soon I will share a particular conversation I had with the ocean as a means of prayer (PachaMama). Today is my last day in Bali and tomorrow I embark into new territory of Vietnam to meet a boulder sushi chef I have befriended over the past five years, Thang & we shall celebrate Vietnamese New Year! Then I will motorbike up the coast with my wizard brother Kiefer! 

 I had a very strong intention to begin this trip: 

to study. To learn. To grow, to evolve myself as a yogi.  

Water element magnetizing me  

These three months of study with Eddie Modestini have come to an end, cultivating a widened lens of what exists in myself and in the world. I am letting the residue of intense study settle into its place in my practice, which I continue to keep while traveling. It consists of a few postures, depending on what my body needs and when I can find a chair to use support. Sitting meditation with chanting of prayers and Yoga Sutras always vibrates me into stillness. Nevertheless, I have recognized a certain level of guilt in my stillness and in my movement being carried by my heart and shoulders. (Oh, how I love to carry the world; sweet boy, rest your hands and arms) . I have looked into myself & in observation as to why I experience unease when someone says to me, "I'm jealous of your experience." I've heard this a lot in my life, which I can express a humble bow of •thank you• for recognizing me- but hey... anything and everything is available to you, you create the magic in your life.

I have - with the help of my tribe. Let's get into this guilt experience and navigate it, see what pierces through....I have felt guilt and wasteful in my past, I have seen shame in my own self realizations from which yoga has brought to the forefront of my awareness. I feel guilt for running away from Boulder. I can tell you a million reasons why I'm traveling for the next four months that produce positive qualities and experiences in my being of transformation. Deep down• I fear growing up. I have seen my fear for over one year that I need to get surgery (and we have April 18th scheduled, baby, and I'm so excited for you to heal) and..... I fear getting a job. I have everything I fear lined up when I get back to Boulder in April and I will face myself with love and compassion. Thankfully lots of my brothers are business owners and I'm stoked to work for my homie Matt Lackey at his new restaurant. 

Motorbike through rice fields of Western Bali

Gili Air Island

Too much grace for words.... alas, I have been told to share my experience instead of not. Especially when I asked (with a sarcastic abrasive tone).... "Should I just become an ascetic and go into the hills?"  

I have asked Mother Earth if I may step into her womb of water before walking forward.  

With humility, recalling my inferior size to the power of Prakriti (Nature, Earth, Ocean, Wind, Elements, creative power) that has been produced in my psyche from my past involvement with Psilocybin. (High schools experiencing experiment to find out how to LIVE and be Alive).

In the face of an impending storm passing over the ocean, one cannot help but feel.... small- and connected to the inner landscape of thought that pours in and pierces the soul. This is what happens when we connect with nature. We get clear.  

Holy Water of Tampaksiring

Step by step, he walks a football fields distance or more into her membranous waters, where the waves brush no higher than his lower thighs. Hands at side grazing the waters which concoct thought to keep moving, never allowing stagnancy to be present in the face of water's ever moving wisdom. Water waves vibrate pass his body in a focused commotion. Skies stirred with a dark palate of grey, black, white, and holes of deep dark blue, paving the runway of presence to unfold before our very own eyes. 

My prayer begins with chants that have become apart of consciousness, invoking the Guru of deities and of myself to reveal the wisdom within. 

"I am Here, I am With You. You are No Different," I hear. 

I said, I want to be a spiritual man, and in my own judgement and minor scoff, I asked myself, what does that mean?  

I wish to be a man of many cultures, religious awareness, interconnected to the universal seam of what connects all of us as sentient and nonsentient beings. To be a man of the world, bound together by love- destined to share and rejoice in the awakening of brothers and sisters, supported and to be a supporter, listener and a talker, giver and receiver- I wish to see. I pray To awaken and help others. 

Ah, the cloud of doubt: 

"what if I'm not worthy? Who am I even? What am I to do to make money and self sustain myself? How will I raise a child one day?"

The wind hit me hard. Slapping me as I almost spiraled into playing a tormenting game of twenty-one questions. She whispered, you look outside for all your answers, go deep into yourself, into the stem of the chord of life and wait there. A Vipassana is coming. Prepare. She spoke more words that traveled to the depths of my root.  

Then I heard the sound of mantra, "I AM." Just as brahma had heard his mantra, LAM, when he discovered the answers were in the stem of his red lotus flower he so meditatively sat upon for thousands of years.

Me: "I am ready for divine love to come, I am here doing my work. I will walk forward alone until we cross paths and ———" 

A wave crashed into my belly, forcing me a few steps back, splashing me in the face •. Interrupting my thought sequence of aloneness...

Sunset on Gili Air, Lombok

(aloneness is very important and should be cultivated in relationship with self)

"Look Around...."

I looked to my left and my right, water in all directions and I felt an electrical pulse rise up the arches of my feet, through my hands and brighten the pupils in my eyes, raising my antennae of awarensss. I saw all my best friends, brothers and sisters of LOVETRiBE linked in elbows surrounding me. I felt the tether of a tribes love for one - and for all of its members- boundless by time, space, age, or situation; a great affinity for the musical adventure that is friendship shine through every cell of my body. The LOVEtriBE vibe is something I will always have to bring a genuine smile of light to my face.

I blinked •  and spirits strength of all my friends flew into my chest and I was whelmed in the arms of my tribe. 

Standing alone in an ocean churned by The Wind, never have I felt so close to my friends despite being on the other side of the planet. I felt strong and happily alone in my being. Doing my work of strengthening the relationship I have with Alec Vishal Rouben. 

It was humbling to carry a conversation with myself and the water, which served as a reflection for me to gaze towards my highest self- mirror of divinity and universal truth.  

----------------------------- 

Burning man Feels while biking through the roads of a Gili Air! )'( 

I feel great gratitude to ocean waters for their cleansing qualities - and the fierce truth that comes through. 

i have come across great synchronicity while traveling- and it is something that always shows me I'm on the right path- from something as small as paying attention to numbers that show up throughout the day. 

In commentary on my conversation with the call of invoking divine love ---

i have always yearned for love, for partnership. I've had two potent relationships and partners, both which transformed me as a human being and shared with the world what it is like to live from my heart. 2016 was a year for myself- to be alone and not be in relationship, that was for sure and I took it with as much grace and watched the mindful hiccups and stumblings as teachings. It seems to be- I am doing my best to •stop• looking around for the ever mysterious her. After all, I'm a sucker for love💕. I do indeed, want to enjoy this time of being young, single, free, and happy- be open to all that is here and all that is coming my way. Manifesting great synchronistic connection on my travels - and while home - for when I travel deep into my body during surgery healing process. It is a gift to have a daily displined practice, to be able to nourish myself with good food, a massage here and there(love this about Asia!) and each moment more I spend developing my connection to myself- just in its potency, the many She's of my life are doing the same. 

We hear it all the time, before we truly love someone else, we must spend time loving ourselves and getting to know ourselves. I do believe I am doing work on myself while traveling; continuing to seek situations that are out of my comfort zone. 

"Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things • Air, Sleep, Dreams, The Sea, The Sky- all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of It." - Cesare Pavese 

This quote truly sits with me. If you've traveled and you read this a few times, let the experience of No Control of This Situation run into your body (which I'm sure you've felt before If you've crossed over the pond) and these are the things that provide great solace. All things leading towards spirit nature.   

Traveling gets you closer to knowing yourself - watching patterns, tendencies, and growing appreciation for what we have in the world, for what we have within ourselves, which nobody can take away. Although I've felt like I'm running away from something in Boulder- indeed, I was running away from my own fear in myself. Acknowledging this has allowed me to view myself from a different lens, and provides a procession of action to take place. 

 And then..... in the glimpse of the sunshine, the most playful part of Alec sprouted out of the Muck of Challengeing thought and said,

"YOU be playful, be soft, have fun, LOVE LIFE. You are beautiful and too hard on yourself. Go on, do the thing, be the man, be the boy. You got it" 

thoughts concluded. 

Off off to explore my last hours in Bali - peace peace peace for now and off to Vietnam!  

Passport and Fine Whiskey in the airports. A present time favorite :)  (Kentucky homegrown yogi, baby!)  

Radical Ritual

See you on the playa!  (radical ritual)

journal entry on Jan 4th: 

Rishikesh, India

The Ganga. Ice melt from the mountains, leaving a deep turquoise mixed with sky blue. I approached the waters, cupping my hands into the flowing river, bringing the water to my face and over my head. Praying for peace in my mind of so many attachments I am carrying. Feeling the answer to my problems, is deep within me. Yes, indeed. I placed one rudraksha, 12 mukhi - representing Surya, into the water and slowly walked back into family flow. tomorrow we shall bathe in these cold waters! 

Jan 5th- Rishikesh Parmath Niketan Ashram  

  We bathed into the waters of the Ganges- although it was cold, I felt the feet, prayers, tears, and deep blessings of millions of souls who stepped forward upon the exact footsteps I stand over. The footsteps are replicated for every inch of each step, a million times over. Sins washed away, peace absorbed. Being in the Ganges was as close as I've ever felt to water element; despite being 30 meters under the sea. There is a strong sense of vibration in the running water from the Himalayas. It invites us to pray, to give in, let go, and receive the magic of Ganga in prayer. 

 There is an ener here. A Holy Sacred Site. The Ganges is said to have come out of Shivas head, flowing down into the earthly plane along the Himalayas, blessing man with its cleansing qualities. This site is steeped in prayer, over centuries it has served as a safe haven for all beings. 

Later into the evening we sat on the steps for aarti, evening ceremony in prayer. Suddenly, the PunditJi (priest) calls me and my family's name to step forward and points his hands in intensity to sit along the fire pit with the Rishii's. 

• the rishiis fill the ashram as young boys who are leading spirituality life of devotion. Typically abandoned by their parents and given to the ashram....

I steppd forward, sat down into Ardha padmasana in order to ensure space for others; knowing I would have to change sides at some point. I was nervous, as hundreds of eyes looked upon us from what seemed like towering steps above. 

The PA speaker came on, followed by chanting with harmonium and a youngin skillfully playing the tabla. I saw dozens of young rishiis, wearing their Sun Colored and Maroon garments, chanting in their respective cadence. Deep and vibrational for the older teens, light and inspiring for the young ones under eleven. Out of the sea of rishii's I spotted three young attractive blonde women. I sensed they were not American, by the way they carried themselves and through the undertone of their gestures. I probably picked them out easily due to them being the few white people there, as well as me missing connection with people my age! And talking with pretty women ;) 3 months of daily intense yoga studies has been my intention, not meeting women. One of my favorite parts of traveling has always been to connect with women of cultures foreign to me! :).  One of the girls was holding a flower dohna, an offering, which she would soon place into the Ganga to float into a galaxy of waterways. Holding the Dohna in the palms of her hands, her eyes closed top to bottom. Head bowed into chest. I watched her hearts prayer pour into the palm of her hands, filling the fire of the flowers with life, just as her face fell into an expresionless desire to be free... of something. A yearn to join with peace. Her eyes were closed. And Her eyes were beautiful. I could see her green eyes looking past whether or not she was western or eastern, white or brown, religious or not. I sensed her soul surrounded around hundreds of other souls praying to the Ganga, celebrating Aarti. the end of this days cycle. 

Her eyes opened.  

She looked down at the fire, soon to cross eyes with me.

Fuck, was I staring? I closed my eyes and dropped into the presence of the fire I sat around, syncing in with the chant of the gayatri mantra. 

From kum kums, to placing dozens of offerings into the fire, we were guided by the young punditji's, the rishii's of the ashram into the face of the fire. The harmonium, tabla, and symbols were played with such attentive skill, striking a chord that vibrated devotion from your ears down to the roots of the pelvic floor, uprooting chills through the skin.  

Soon, the ceremony was over and the older Priest pulled me and my family aside to a separate temple at the top of the steps, where everyone would line up to receive a blessing. He made sure we were first and they placed kum kum's upon our foreheads, tied Kalawa (multicolored sacred thread) onto our right wrist, and he also blessed each of my newly found rudraksha of 1,3,4,5,7,11,12 mukhi! 

Once it it was all over, I Was stunned as to why we were treated like family, asking my Nani, what was all that special attention about?! they went on to say how they are long time friends with Swami ShukdevanandaJi - the founder of India's largest ashram! That blew my mind! The priest who took care of us told me to return with my cousins and friends. 

I returned to to my room in awe, in gratitude of this journey I am on. 

------------------- end journal entry  

the next day we drove to Haridware, which literally means the Gateway to God. We stepped into the crowds of hundreds so I can bathe in the Ganges again. When we did this in Rishikesh, there was nobody else around. In Haridware, there are hundreds of people going into the deep turquoise waters of the Ganges. It's quite a scene! 

The water is absolutely freezing. Yet.... something happens when you step in. To me, it's as if I see all my pain and internal affliction come up in front of me, ready to take its next leg in the journey of release and surrender... praying for the wellbeing of myself, my beloveds, the earth.... such powerful feelings and prayers dispel any bodily feelings of fear, anger, being cold, hot, or anything.... a total sense of oneness is experienced. Then the dunking of your head and body in simotaneous motion produces a visceral envelope of insight that I have never felt before. Engulfed in the moment. 

I have been told many times, as I'm sure many of us have; God is within us, never separate. I had raised my hands in the water as if.... I am seeking to be closer to spirit. In the deepest threads of my life, I felt a strong connection to a city within minutes of being in its waters. 

As I exited the waters and dried myself off, I looked around. Observing my surroundings. A very holy site this is... I look forward to returning there one day with my cousins, my lovers, those who I continue to travel with. As we walked away from the site of where people bathe, the scene changed dramatically. I have never seen as many People with Leprosy, disinfigurement, diseased, amputated, or Hard-to-look-at people in my life before. Yet... I am someone who looks. I acknowledge and recognize, walking forward without stopping to give in to the dozens and dozens of arms begging for money, food, a hand to hold, just something. It is quite sad. It is heavy. It is radical and it is REAL. It is not for the weak to travel to certain parts of India, where Life and Death can seem to be hanging on by a thread of deep devotion in the eyes of street dwellers. But perhaps, it is for those.... who wish to see what life produces on other corners of the earth. 

There is a beauty and sadness to this great walk of life. 

It it is a true blessing to me to have found the heart I feel inside. Once upon a time, I despised the word god.  I rejected all religion. I had no trust in others or in myself. Way before yoga, I fought every conservation. Even six years ago when I was in India, I was a skeptic, until one night in Jaipur, India. When a man read my palm and predicted the upcoming five years of my life, my death, my life path..... and so far.... he is right. 

India propelled me into a spiritual path at nineteen. At twenty five, Mother India has me in her mouth, whirling me around..... spitting me out soon enough into the world with some greater level of faith in the unfolding process of the universe. I trust my tribe will be there to catch when I fall into Boulder the second week of April, just days after my 26th name day (birthday!).... then stepping into surgery on the 24th. 

Do you wish to have faith in your life? Maybe you do, maybe you don't. For those who read this and feel they don't, I would say..... go get a passport and go travel the world. Something profound will happen. It might be good, it might be bad. It will probably be both of those things intertwined into an amazing cosmic dance that creates a love affair with whatever story was bred while at home. There's a magic to traveling and I am blessed to be on it. I recognize not everyone can just... do that. Go travel. So, in my experience, the greatest way I found faith while being at home was through: 

YOGA.  

Yoga Sutra I.14, स तु दीर्घकालनैरन्तर्यसत्कारासेवितो दृढभूमिः॥१४॥      

•  It is only when the correct practice is followed for a very long time, without interruptions and with a quality of positive attitudes and eagerness that Yoga can be succeeded •
•  Sah tu dirgha kala nairantaira satkara asevitah dridha bhumih
  • sah = that (practice)
  • tu = and, but, however
  • dirgha = long time (dirgha = long; kala = time)
  • nairantaira = without interruption, continually,
  • satkara = with devotion, sincerity, respect, reverence, positive attitude, right action
  • asevitah = pursued, practiced, cultivated, attended to, done with assiduous attention
  • dridha-bhumih = stable, solid foundation, firmly rooted, of firm ground

a nonnegotionable practice cultivates a new being of mind and body. A reprogram to the psyche.  

By the way, if you read this far.... I'd love to hear from you. Traveling can be lonely, and I'm not the first to admit that. I love my alone time - I love writing in my journal and taking hours and hours of car rides, planes rides.... being out of wifi and cell service.... and I love talking to You- when it is available. Chances  are, I totally miss you. 

I care about your experience and would like to know how you are. Whether we talk a lot or not! Don't hesitate to say hi. just the other day a friend from high school who I haven't heard from in years said hi! All my love.

 Ps- all my photos can't upload to the blog in my iPad because they are high MB! Check out Facebook photo album Indian Yogan for some photos <3 add me up, if we aren't friends. Love to stay virtually connected with you.... in hopes for a physical friendship if it's not there already! 

Peace for now, my friends. 

alec vishal rouben  

 

10 Vulnerabilites revealed from living in India (paradigm •shifting• realizations)

THE WINDS, THEY ARE WHISPERING. CLEAR MESSAGES SENDING STAR FELT INSIGHTS AMONGST THE AIR, AIDING THE BLIND WITH SIGHT..

There are times I feel Blind. Yoga helps me see. More than that, others aid in reflection for me to see my blind spots, that which I may be in denial towards, or so deeply rooted in habitual pattern, that it has become the norm. Alas, living with Eddie (if you've been following these words, you may have an idea of the radical mirror he has been holding in front of me!) i do wonder if anyone reads these..... in hopes my experience can serve as a mirror for you, in some way of thought and relation to this journey we call our lives....

the past 64 days have enveloped me in the intense studies of the subject of yoga. Now I am traveling in northern India for 14 days before ejecting myself into the solo flow of synchronicity! My teacher Eddie Modestini has reflected my blind spots to me- especially over the past 42 days while living in India with him! Here, I will share 10 self realizations - that are quite vulnerable for me.... from an outsiders view, it may not seem like much. (Which is a self defense mechanism for me to say! Gotta protect that bugging ego! Ha!) It's the shift of internal change that yoga creates for us to see ourselves..... and do something about it. I'm trying! 

Through the days of watching these thoughts arise, more and more as I let myself ride the wave with as much grace as humanely possible while in the YogiK Kiln- I began to feel like I wanted to run and hide, in fear of my nakedness being seen by the outside world- but especially by myself. Sometimes fear and shame came up. No matter the depths of where the samskara's origin was from, I •Feel• a great sense of virya <COURAGE> and Sraddha <FAiTH> as I carry onward. 2016 gave me such challenge. It gave many of us challenge! There was an upheaval of opportunity at my door. Positivity and optimistim continued to linger its fire through the crescent moon's lingering light... assuring me that there will always be a thread of LOVE LIFE woven into my being. I don't feel I have it figured out, whatever it is. I'm doing my best to show up and love the process, baby! 

1. I LOVE music. It's my life, as much as yoga is. Music brought me healing. Music HEALS. I could spend hours writing about my love for music and what it's dance means to me, what is produced within on a deep visceral level... but this is about my blind spot. Music has become a double edge sword in my awareness now. At first, I denied it, but then I observed it in action. I can use music as a mode for distraction to avoid some certain pain that can arise in certain scenarios or elongated quietude (separate from sitting practice). My stimulus was always peaking while in Bangalore. Bangalore is just crazy in comparison to other Asian cities I have been to! As my stimulus peaked, I used my (thank god) wireless Bose headphones to enter a world of musical creation met with running thought, riding the sound wave. Well... what to do? Next time in stimulus overload, notice before I mindlessly act. Dissect experience. Identify and get clear on frustrations and what I desire.... and see what happens when focus is brought to breath... or more enjoyable for me as of recent; the residue of Sarvangasna! I can use greater discernment for music in my ears- mainly for when I want the bubble of symphonic thought to take its inward journey away from the buzzing world that is present. I notice I use this to also connect with my friends in the force of the dance space continuum. I FEEL you, tribe! I dance for life with music, without music, cause you raise my stoke level! (You know who you are!!!) the source of silence. 

2.  I have spaced out in the asana's for years! At many times- yes, there is presence... but I have allowed myself to space out and allow so much to pass through me. I realized this while studying with HS Arun in India.   

अनुभूतविषयासंप्रमोषः स्मृतिः ॥११॥

anu-bhūta-viṣaya-asaṁpramoṣaḥ smr̥tiḥ ॥11॥ 

Memory is reflected from a retainment from direct conscious experience  

Perhaps it is rising up from an old story of mine. Being less adequate in school, the slower learner.  Facing the hardships I found of learning how to pay attention, listening, and truly understanding. Or maybe that's my own bullshit excuse. Maybe a bit of both. There is a fear in me of knowing that I learn very slowly, and I don't wish to frustrate my teacher... that's for me to work through. I have used vinyasa yoga as a means of continuous movement, having thoughts and understands be in constant flow, just like the practice of vinyasa. To some extent this was reflected in Ashtanga yoga, with the holding of postures for some more breaths. Slowly there is a little more o settle into. Now.... there is a level I am experiencing of staying in poses for 5-30 minutes- and I space out. I lose focus on the sequence... of what's happening in my body.... of where I am in the world. Woah, space cadet, paging ALEC!!! GTFdown here!! I have had it placed in front of my attention of what it means to be a student... of what it involves to pay attention and truly •learn• yoga. I at least have some prime time examples to learn off of. (Full prostration in gratitude) 

3- solution to #2-  I will write the sequence of a class every time I practice in 2017. This is an amazing way to cultivate Smriti- or memory and understand why the teacher taught what they did. Everyday we wrote the sequence down and I couldn't find the value in it until my time in Bangalore was almost to a close. Well... better late than never! Now I see great value in this... it was hard for me to figure out how to remember....  the dust is settling. Can't wait to raise it back up at burning man though ;) 

4- I have to get shoulder surgery. Well, gawd Blessit. Fix up my left labrum, doc. And please know I hope to return to these photos. (Flips through Light on Yoga) these will be the words I have when I meet with my doc in April. Nov 2015 I got in a snowboarding injury and immediately I knew I hurt myself. Denial for one year. Boom... 💥 

"In the tumble of the black ice that caught my edge, i lay heavy in the cold ground as snow pierced through my back, face and neck. The winds whispered I was okay... which was met with a numbing sensation along my left arm. It could be worse, they said."  

I am to get surgery for the longevity of my practice, of my career, for the life of teaching Yoga- all within a desire to be in Integrity. It will be an arduous road of thrill getting this surgery. I seek the light, I invite the darkness.... both of them have their sexy qualities for me. Characteristics that seduce me in their rapture, sometimes in their paradoxical happenings. A sublimation of life unfolding before me.... riding the wave. 

5 I need to learn to control my flexibility. So much of my performance has been in ego, and I humbly admit that! There is a desire to be seen, a thrive for attention. Let me tell you... it wasn't always like that. When I first came to yoga, I had little confidence in myself, no security in my body, and a lack of awareness in life. Arm balances did indeed, alter all of that. Being injured has been one of the great blessings to befall me in my life, and it is a lesson lasting well over 2 years, one that I'm sure will follow me into my adulthood and the remaining 3/4th of my life. There is a great value in the asanas and what their intensity can bring. However.... a time and a place.  If you visit my instagram and go back 2 years and slowly scroll to present.... there is a slow decrease of postures. I did and do post postures... yet there is a different vibe to them- and I'm trying to get clear with myself on what and how I'll post postures. How to be different than the crop. Postures, They inspire. Perhaps...... just check yo self- before you break yo ego on the cliff side and then you gotsta pull yourself up the slippery slope!!  

BKS iyengar says "I used to play.... now I stay". In commentary on movement in and out of postures.

6 I have relied on capability to carry me through the practice. Capability has taken me far into my body, FAR too quickly as I didn't have a proper teacher to guide me through the obstacles of what it is to be hyper flexible. I have developed reversed curves in my spine. My thoracic spine goes out, and my lumber goes in. Should be Vic versa. More on this later. When I met Eddie, he immediately put the reigns on me and brought me back. He was surprised that I listened.... thinking I would break sooner than I did.  I feel open to the guidance, even if it means starting groom ground zero. Standing poses, 5 minutes each side. This is my assignment. (Without using my left shoulder or arm.....)  

7 ^^ following number 6.... to not use my left shoulder. Hmmm. Well. I'm a bit of an extremist! Super flow mode at times, where at other times, I may stubborn and on fire. I take things too literally. Sometimes acting with a linear train of thought and understanding can hinder me from having my own natural creative experience of what is being offered.   

Understand the rules and stay creative within them! My feet and hands aren't tied up. Whether it's in an asana and I'm seeking peace in a pose, not pain.... there will always be a way to create a new experience for my body.  Just as much in life. Just as I have been open from evolving my practice from vinyasa, to ashtanga vinyasa yoga. And finding Iyengar yoga and Soft supported asana work, I feel I can find a way to flow within the gates of life. there's multiple entry points and exits! 

8 it's time to grow up. This trip is two months underway and I feel shifts on an internal level, but there's something else I can't quite put into words. Perhaps it doesn't need words. I'm finding myself in the world, finding ishvara in myself and the surrounding world. I'm learning who I am. I lost Alec Vishal Rouben in months of 2015 and 2016. I felt like I didn't know what I was doing. Or who I was (am) becoming. I had begun to let fear penetrate my reality. A fog of awareness.... But I did and do know : I am so blessed  to be   Alec Vishal Rouben. Despite having a very strong daily committed practice, I fell out the mindfulness involved. It was a routine. I'm re-finding what it means to break down the walls of pattern, and see the world with new eyes. I wish to know my internal experience, with unwavering contentment, conviction, and a light that shines bright in the world; piercing the corners of darkness in myself and in the eyes of others. Expanding the lineage of being a human being. 

9 I have to get a job. My game plan... April / may get surgery and heal for 3 months returning to basic movement for my left arm. Probably more basic than I can imagine. Fly back to Maui for a month of studies with Eddie modestini (I'm going back into the kiln!!!) then back to Boulder and get job for some months before returning to India to study with Arun!  (but I won't tell my employer that!) I have resisted getting a job for so long. But I need to make the leap of making more of my own money. There are many reasons why this is obvious and a no brainer. I have shame around my reasons, and acknowledge them as old fears hindering my growth. I don't wish to teach 10-15 classes of yoga a week! I've tried it and it's not for me. 4-6 classes is my key. I do wish to travel the world teaching, and that will come, first I must put years of studentship in. Money will come. I'm not chasing money, I'm chasing yoga- knowing money will flow. But I must gather money on level of integrity so I can continue to live this radical amazing lifestyle I do. 

10 your word is STRONG and the universe will listen. Besides praying for master yoga teachers to come into myself and guide me.... I told the universe I want to be single in Jan 2015 for one year after I ended relationship. It's so crazy to me how this manifested!! What a wild ride it has been these past 12 months. With reverence I bow to the stars and spirit for always supporting me. Trusting the dance, trusting myself, getting on the mat when in doubt.... I yearn for relationship and partnership. I feel so strongly that she will reveal herself as I continue to follow yoga. I feel in my hesrt, she's out there and she's a yogi! Yearning for a beloved someone doesn't take away my desires for touch with women, connection, and play with those I meet amongst this walk of life... yet I know the one I'm to dive deep in with, speaks the language of YOG! For me, this will originate in getting a job too. Growing up, more and more, each chapter in life moving forward. 

 it's good to reflect and write things down. It's better to ACT. Visions are just that, if they do not unfold in reality with intentional actions. I'd rather live in a world of radical change that seemed like a nightmare than in an world of illusion & idealized perfection. I have shared a bit of what's been in front of my face the past 2 months - and maybe something stuck out for you! As an aid for you to go inside yourself next time you hit your mat.... and find some level of stillness. 

Grow and evolve. 

Explore and experiment. 

what are you discovering in yourself? I would love to know and hear. Feel free to reach out. I love you. 💕  

Hanging with the old guard. The Bhatnagar's of a New Delhi. Indian bloodline! 

Starting again.

 

     "Education depends on Dedication"

           - Dr. B.K.S. Iyengar

This past week I was exposed. Exposed to the potent possibility of what it means to be a Yoga Teacher. Exposed to the true attention required of what it means to be a Yoga Teacher. I have had my teachers and confidants around me hold a mirror up to my face (or shoved in one case, which was necessary) and I have begun to see what I lack as a Student and - especially as a Teacher. To this day, I feel I have not earned the credit to be called a yoga teacher. In several years, perhaps. My pattern is to go fast, jump from Point A to F, then to B, C, and way over to J, and so on. If you know me... you may laugh. I aspire to be slow, awaken the super conscious meditation state of Being, releasing the radical fire of Doing. I wish to be a good student and PAY ATTENTION to the small details, be meticulous, be tedious in the notes that are taken. Study each asana, their Sanskrit name, their transliteration,  their medical benefit- and cultivate a true personal relationship within each of them. How to? Pick up light on yoga and study the shit out of it. I will do that over the next 6 months while traveling.  I am experiencing the shadow of doubt- with an upwelling of hope and a call to be brave • with a true seriousness to be the Student of Eddie Modestini, Shri HS Arun, and Manouso Manos- and this is something that is not simply said. It is Earned. It must be proved with action. I am not in the college of yoga yet. For me, I'm practically in grade school. Starting over. What a gift it will be.... to go slow. To be slow. 

So.... last week I went to Bellur, where BKS iyengar was born. A small town village... and it truly lives into what it is- a village. ​Mr. Iyengar's dream was to build a yoga hall in his hometown for all seekers to come and study • and by divine happening, I am blessed to be apart of the first group of yogi's to experience a workshop in this yoga hall taught by Manouso Manos.

In front of the worlds first Patanjali temple• commissioned by BKS Iyengar with Mr. Manouso

Manouso Manos is the senior most teacher in America. This means he has gone through all the hoops and exams to be credited with an advanced senior title through Iyengar Yoga- and this is no easy task. It is clear from the intelligence and keen eye that pours from his mouth- and sees everything on everyone in a room of 40, or 800.  I am blessed to have been introduced to this man by Eddie.  The gravity of be(coming) his student is hardly able to be recognized by my words, but through deep reverence of my heart. In hopes to retain what he offers..... I pray. More than pray, I WILL SEE.

"Manouso Manos is one of the most capable and experienced of the Senior Iyengar Yoga Teachers. He holds one of only two Advanced Senior certificates granted worldwide by B.K.S. Iyengar.

He began his studies with Sri B.K.S. Iyengar in 1976, and served as chairperson of the First International Iyengar Yoga Convention in 1984. After numerous trips to Pune, India and nearly 4 decades of personal practice, his understanding of and insights into Iyengar yoga are conveyed with authenticity and precision.

Methodical in his teaching, Manouso lays a solid foundation and progressively refines each of the asanas. His sense of humor and sensitivity shine through as his dynamic and challenging teaching style moves his students beyond their perceived limits. " 

'Wake the fuck up, Alec!' His internal critic rightfully ringed, with a gentle pour of compassion.  

Well . A pour of compassion is too kind. More like a drop. I need to whip myself into shape. Mental shape, if I wish to become a Student studying the subject of yoga- from ascendant Yogi's. I do... buckle up. It's about to be a bumpy ride! 

We studied at the hall with Manouso for 5 days. 3 hours asana in the morning, 2 hours Pranayama in the evening. I will share below my daily journal entries. I chose to stay off my phone for as much as I could (I'm addicted to my phone and hope to create a new mental pathway of interest by becoming more present in the world instead of using my phone) • and when I wanted to post or look at my phone, I wrote. 

  •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

day 1

Todays 9-12 asana practice was the most succinct, clear, and high caliber dissection of introductory postures I have been taught before. We touched Tadasana, Utthita Trikonasana, Utthita Parvsvakonasana, Virabhadrasana A & B, Dandasana, Pascimotanasana, Sirsasana, and basic Sarvangasana variations. Manouso's ability to see- to help - is unlike anything I've seen before. I am blown away I am in this room for these 5 days. He is one of the greatest Teachers that I have met and practiced with on my path. The first hour of our morning was him expressing the gravity of how special it is we are in this yoga hall & how humbled he is. To gather on Mr. iyengar's 98th birthday, on a full moon, in his hometown.... auspicious! We are the beta test group for Iyengar's hall of study. 

BKS= Bellur. Krishnamachar. Sundaraja. 

This is the where the singularity of yoga teaching began, in Bellur. The infinite expansion of what it means to be a teacher- in 1918, a man took his place on the earth and would be destined to change the world with yoga. It is honor to be in a place that birthed yoga. Manouso considers Mr. Iyengar to have taught the worlds first yoga class! 

In the afternoon pranayama session, we went into simple breath awareness in a 45 min. Savasana. I fell asleep. Damn. more to write about this soon. 

This yoga is about YOU. ME. YOUUUUUU. Exploring yourself, Manouso said. 

He also went on to express how teaching yoga is best worst job ever. The best, because we are helping people heal. What a blessing!  The worst? We aid people in seeing the deepest depths of life's challenges, pains, and we hold a mirror up to people for them to see their issues that meet them on the level of their souls consciousness. And this is no easy feat to enter. So NO, he said. This is not for everyone. For the brave and the willing.

- side note -  Manouso is one of the few men who was in a room with Krishnamacharya. This tall Indian man with deep blue eyes pierced through manos, seeing the wall behind him. Krishnamacharya was often caught chanting the yoga sutras in his sleep.  

Day 2

Morning _ I wake and sit into stillness, chant the first 19 sutras of the first pada (1 of 4 books) it is being retained slowly....  

at the food hall, there is an odd comfort in the haze of the fog.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

The great Fog of Awareness

A Shroud of the air passes through the foothills of Bellur.

Alas, we cannot see- yet the viryam of the soul is what to believe. 

The birds they fly, despite mornings plightful sight in their graceful flight. 

Holding an example for us- 

to take up- 

Only if we wish to release our fight  

The wheel of samskara  

the drops of klesha

reveals a life sentence to begin a new design • of what it is to be in the light. 

with the hand of time- the Gem spins on. 

Hurling through space~

the Winds of air move the fog into a new found face.

And now, the birds eye is fine- in its single focused mind. 

The fog dissolves- only to return upon a days new break.  

And so, we begin again. 

until the atman sees• abundance comes as easily as the breath. 

Stay sharp.  

Wake up, kid. Pay attention.  

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 Asana 

"Yoga is a peculiar subject, it is not for everyone, but everyone should attempt to study it. Not everyone will dive into the heart of the issue of yoga. It bubbles up. This is why yoga is to be intensely studied everyday, with no stop." Manouso 

Manouso taught very basic poses with incredible complexity. Mainly because the local Indian students were present, aspiring to take up yoga as a teacher one day. The attention brought to our upper inner thighs spinning outwards and upper inner shins moving inwards, with the 3 triangulated points of the inner arches of the feet pressing down while in Prasarita Padotanasana- was WILD!  It was complex and insane!  In the first of many attempts in the posture - he had thrown us into the deep end and thrown out a dozen cues for us to integrate. Then next thing you here is, "Come Watch!" We all gather around the stage and he begins to explain the incredible challenge this provides for the brain and the body connection. Hearing him say how tough it is, it gave me relief of mind because I was having a great struggle to find the appropriate rolling action of each body part. Then you hear, "You understand in theory? Great! COME ON, EVERYBODY!" And we scatter to our mats to the posture again and again.

Many people have spent years studying iyengar yoga in order to get into his workshops, one year minimum! I feel such gratitude to Eddie Modestini for pushing me into the fire... and helping me become a student if Manouso in just one day! I made the footsteps to walk forward. I chose this. I am willing to change. 

"USE YOUR BRAIN! NOT YOUR EYES, ITS NO GOOD! " Manouso 

pranayama reflection: i fell asleep again. Once the wave of exhaustion passed- I dropped into breath awareness and watched smooth breaths pass by with manos' guidance. BKS and patanjali taught that the asana comes first. Years of practice must pass before ujayii breath is integrated into the equation. I can see why ujayii breath and pranayama is not taught in this system until years later- especially because I kept falling asleep...  I started using Jiva Bandha to stop falling asleep... and this has begun to suspend me in the space before sleep and waking state- lucid presence. 

--------- --------------------------------------------------------

Sitting on the  roof with Joovita, Anca, pat, and Bruno was such a gift! Creating friendships with the Austrians was rewarding! This is a gift of mine, to create friendship everywhere I go! They were so warming- in addition to getting some vitamin D sun rays..... making friends with strong yogi's is a blessing! Attracting like minded people in my life. One day I shall visit Austria and connect with them!  

Day 3  

Today I chose to write at the end of the day, before dinner. Which has been amazing thus far! I love Indian food! The mornings are filled with a super short sit in bed and amazing fog! I love watching the green parrots fly around. I saw one bird chirp for its flight partner, guiding her to the branch he was pirched upon.  

Using the chairs like a good yogi!  

The asana this morning was very technical. Iyengar yoga is strongly intelligent within the bone + muscle structure. More than how my words can explain... I can't do his teaching justice. Yet. If you (if I) space out for even a second, you miss several steps or what is being taught, thus what is learned is different than the offering. 

The afternoon I laid out in the sun with my Austrian friends and propped myself up for a yummy nap!  

In pranayama I stayed awake the entire time, thanks to the subtle connection of Jiva Bandha. Being in the presence of others is nice- it gives a space to my dynamic of living with Eddie and Kristin, which is a deeply powerful experience. We are all in the fire of india's transformation and vulnerable container!  

Day 4

BE HOPEFUL. BE BRAVE. Listen: watch. Observe. Internalize. Pierce through . Absorb. Be willing". - Manouso

Everyday more, I feel like a relationship of SHISYA&GURU is cultivated while studying within the walls of BKS's dream; a Yoga hall in his hometown Village of Bellur. It is such an honor to be here. I feel like I have a real connection with him- through 3 of his students, 2 of whom spent decades as his pupil.  

Tosay is auspicious as I heard my Sidereal astrology reading from Lyn, whom eddie suggested for me. I trust and value eddie's opinion and guidance for me. Sidereal readings are about a momentary glance at the stars and their ever changing nature. Read more here. According to this, my birth time defines me as a picses as my sun sign, sagitarious as moon, and taurus as ascendant. Which is very different from what I've chased over the last years, with a burning fire (like most Aries). Thankfully, I have many planets in my chart residing in Aries. Like mars, it is the planet of appearance! Ha! This is a huge shift in direction, less doing, more being. Calm your fire sweet child.... let the water of your burns and wounds be healed. She revealed great insights about my path in yoga, healing, love in partnership (chase the yoga, and she will come.... due to chasing yoga) finance, travel, and my relationship with my parental units.   Keep doing what I'm doing and she will come. Money will come. Keep doing what we are doing. 

Pranayama reflection: 

Set the stage•

Skin softens into the blanket

Into the ground, becoming an earth body•

A guidance of words keep a focus of thought- relinquishing monkey mind• 

Lids open, bottom to top 

reveals sunset rays above the eye light•

colour pierces through 

with floating dust in the spectrum of gold •

eyes form  

top to bottom• 

dropping in - silence falls into its sound• 

words mold into an etherical melody•

until the phrase is heard...

 "Bend your elbows and place your hands somewhere that promotes a sense of peace."

then I realize.

Fuck. Did I miss all that? WAKE.UP. 

heart beats.  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 DAY 5 

we start the morning with a group photo- followed by a 1 hour Question and Answer session. That was profound and I got answers to my questions without asking a question. I was nervous to ask a question. Google Manouso manos and BKS iyengar master class - and you'll get an idea of why I was nervous to ask a question. This man is of intensity! ​

Mango tree - chosen at random... I love mango ^_^ 

after our final asana class, we gathered around for an asana demonstration of the local youth. It was a profound sight to see!!  The kids were sweet and so soft! Later on, we went outside to water the trees we planted! This is an immense blessing !!! I planted a mango tree and then they informed us that in the following years of our return we would see our names in plaques! As the first yogi's to study the subject of yoga in BKS iyengar's dream Hall. My, oh my! What a wonderful world.... 

 •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

6 years ago with momma in India!  

Coming back to Bangalore, a town filled with endless honking, an anarchy of cars and rickshaws paving their own way with no mercy on the roads, mixed with the smell of gasoline polluted air..... there was a sense of comfort coming into my heart. Knowing that in the morning I would enter Prashant YogaShraya to study with one of India's senior most iyengar teacher  - ArunJi- whom treats me like a student - and guides me with great patience. I felt excitement to be here. I have 8 more days before I fly to New Delhi to spend time with my mom, nanaJi and Nanaji! My Indian family up north - which will be so sweet to be together into New Years. My last trip to India was exactly 6 years ago over NYE..... quantum leaps of evolution since then! 

Here is the latest photo of me- taken on the last day of the intensive in Bellur. Feeling naked. Vulnerable. In the past few days, I have wanted to run away, from showing myself to the world and to my peers, my friends, my teachers I am living with. For the first time in a long time (again) I feel like I'm just starting to scratch the surface of practicing yoga. I left my tribe and up rooted myself - so I can plant seeds of exploration, confidence, & super conscious attention within myself. 

I stand before you with humility- ready to begin anew. 

feeling like I know nothing... but like I now have a place to go. I have direction and I know whom to seek my tutaledge under. 2017 will be a year of student studies with Eddie Modestini, Manouso Manos, and HS Arun. July, October, December, months dedicated to living on Maui, San Fran, and Bangalore. The rest I will be traveling and cultivating a home practice, integrating what I've learned the past 3 months. Studying and dissecting light in yoga. Eddie has shared with me the tools of what it means to be his student and what it truly means to be a yoga teacher in the eyes of the Advanced Yogi's. I've got work to do. 

Chase the yoga.