October 28th, 2016, Kiefer Avi and Matt Lackey dropped me off at DIA - in support of a six month journey I felt the call to step into.
S e l f - D i s c o v e r y
There are many calls we experience as Beings - Settling, grounding down, and at times, getting shaken up by the flow state and our surrounding environment. For me, I've always felt the understanding that when stagnacy arises within me, I notice great comfort in my atmosphere. At these times, I strive to expand, explore, and extend my state of comfort.
So, I left to explore asia.
I returned home for several months to be with my chosen family.
And....I left again.
Landing in london the last 6 weeks have rocked me to the bones of my BEing, at times resurfacing the deep wound of Grief for loosing our brother Matt Lackey earlier this year. I left my triBE of colorado, once again, to travel across the world to a place I don't know, do something I swore I'd never do. Go to Grad School. Even though it is within a subject I am devoted to, the academia lens is quite rigerous and exhausting. I Know this is good for me & I trust in the universe for bringing me here.
Who would you have me talk to today?
What would you have me do today?
Where would you have me go today?
Each day, I cried. I was lost. I was confused. I was Angry. I started to pray more than I ever have. Asking for miracles from source. Finding Matt in everything and every person. I couldn't see anything as it was before me. My hands were on the wheel of my ship, which has thus far sailed the waters of life with minor damage, experiencing that which all ships should. Full on spectrum of emotional observance. What a gift it is to feel so deeply, so fully....... so creatively.
In my illusion, which I will go into.... I called upon my tribe through my prayer. So many stepped into my field every few days, if not on the daily, to check in on me and HOLD space for me. My tribe has a gift. To Actively LISTEN to the person whom is talking. How many times are we 100% present with the person in front of us, listening with undivided attention? This is something I know I am guilty of and have set my intentions to be more present in the moment with you & with alec.
Grad school is pretty intense. I have 5 classes, which span for a total of 11 hours of contact time in the classroom a week. Probably 1000+ pages a week, which I definitely will not read! That's too much for my brain power to conceptialize. Although the topics are pretty amazing, they are very deep in the thread of Ancient Yoga. Unpacking the Vedas, The Brahmanas, Aranyakas, Upanishads, and more texts have shown me much there is to learn. Many of my collegues and peers in my class are quite qualified to be in this class, and in regards of an academia lens, I feel the most under qualified. However, The Spirit of Yoga has brought me here. To learn. To be open. To exercise Austerity & Tapas of SelfStudy.
Example of Illuision: There have been times in class when what we are discussing has 'nothing' to do with Yoga. What Does this have to do with Yoga??
Well. This is a bunch bullshit if I ask myself. How the bless could I have just seriously asked myself, 'What does this have to do with yoga?' THAT is the question I should be asking myself every DAY. What does this moment have to do with Yoga? Where are you not? True installation into the moment.
I have been resisting the moment for almost 5 weeks. I was projecting into what my life looks like, 12-15 months into the future and not BEing here, now. It was and IS devasting, exhausting, and quite toxic. I highly suggest against this. I was going against the grain, dismembering my chord to the earth, disconnecting with Great Spirit and Divine Mother, due to my illusion that the cold roughness of London dampened my Manifesting Powers. This was all due to the Power of Thought. The Discipline of Thought.
Our thoughts have extreme play upon our days. We are the curators of our experience, and so....It Shall Be.
So, It Shall Be.
Whatever path You wish to illuminmate, so it can BEcome, as long as we allow for our own BEcoming.
Due to my stubbornness to not look at my own experience, I began to reach out. Through about 8 or 9 powerful reflections of my tribe, which came in the form of benevolence and divine trust of lord Shiva, or merciless facts of truth being revealed by Lord Rudra (an earlier vedic depiction of the Hindu God Shiva. He was not entirely, 'nice'.) and sometimes, these humanely reflections of my best friends came to me in the essence of hanuman, or, parvati. Total Love. I am So grateful. These specific BEings allowed me to see what I was not seeing and remind myself of how powerful I am, the great work I am doing. Because.....
I asked for help.
I open my heart and hands to God in order to receive the miracle of Support and Abunance.
I place all my relationships in your hands, great spirit, allowing for them to take their course. I release all burdens that Do Not Serve Me.
I AM A VESSEL OF INFINITE POTENTIAL AND MIRACLES FLOW THROUGH ME. (REPEAT AFTER ME.) SAY IT AGAIN! AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN.
And then.... In a matter of a few days, when I stopped being a stubborn ass Aries ram, I watched my manifesting powers turn on. A yoga opportunity came to me. My sweet friend Greta came to visit me in london, providing an amplified reminder of the divinity within myself & all beings. The School work load somehow became less anxious. A dozen of my favorite artists put on shows in London or nearby and I totally bought tickets. Nicolas Jaar. four Tet. Tourist. Nahko. Oh Wonder. Nils Frahm. just to name 6.... :) I landed a job opportunity and have an interview at Dishoom- a fine dining indian restaurant that I really like!! (If you don't know....I'm half indian and I have extreamly high standards of indian food, thanks to my lovely mom & naniJi.)
So... I thought to share these short experiences in leading up to where I am as I type this.
October 27th, 2017. One year later. I am on a superspeed train from London St. Pancras to Paris du Nord. I am going to Celebrate my self and dance with Matt Lackey tomorrow night at Nicolas Jaar. (I'm also going to manifest a ticket to nico's show tonight for a two night run.... Thank you matt.) One year ago tomorrow, Matt dropped me off at the airport to begin a journey I will never forget. He helped me wake up. Again. And again. And Again. Continuously in the waking process through peering within. It is a close call to Halloween and the Day of the Dead. Here the veil is thin, the connection to of the Living and Dead can be touched in a greater Way..... I have prayed to Matt and my Angels to come into me & Become Me. A divine consort sailing in company of the infinite. I believe in the good things coming.....I Believe in all challenges as opportunities for me to be within spiritual growth.
I have matt's ashes around my neck & I am wearing my I BELIEVE IN ANGELS shirt.
I Have Arrived Safely, Undelayed & Perfectly On Time.
I'll close with sharing of some of the Upanishadic verses and prose.
Chandogya 6.8.2 (c. 600 BCE): Just as a bird that is tied with a string flies off in every direction and, when it cannot find a resting place anywhere else, settles back on the thing to which it is tied, so too the mind (manas) flies off in every direction, and when it cannot find a resting place anywhere else, it settles back on the breath itself, for the mind... is tied to the breath (prana bandhanam mana).
Rg Veda 10.190 (earliest veda): Order (rta) and truth (satya) were born from heat (tapas) as it blazed up. From that was born night, from that heat (tapas) was born the billowy ocean.
Katha Upanishad 3.2: ....I am the breathing spirit (prana), the intelligential self (prajnaatman). As such, reverence, (upasva) me as life, as immortality. Life is the breathing spirit. The breathing spirit, verily, is life. The breathing Spirit, indeed, is immortality.... for indeed, with the breathing spirit in this world one obtains imortality, with intelligence, the true conception. // So he who reverences (Upaste) me as life, as immortality, reaches the full term of life in this world, he obtains immortality, indestructibility in the heavenly world.
So... For now, I shall research my first essay topic:
Compare and assess the Yogik Powers in the BagavadGita & the PatanjalayayogaSastra!
Off for now.
Listen. Breathe. Speak.
Many Blessings. I love you.
I Really, Really Love You.
You make a difference EVERY. Single. DAY.
Believe it. Feel it. Access it. Your light is bright and needed at this time.
Alec Vishal Rouben